Episode 28-Connect and Create in Relationships with Kendall Merritt

00:00
Um, welcome to the while you walk podcast. Hi, this is Matt. Love it. We're going to do the walking. You're going to do the talking today. I'm with Kendall Merritt. Kendall, how are you doing? What's up?

00:12
What can you tell us about you before we get going? I'm so honored to be here. Um, you know, I'm really excited to come here representing a shift in being .com with max trombley. I am director of operations.

00:27
I get to hold the big vision and support on the creative and operational side of really bringing a global life transformation company into the world in a really big way. So I'm super honored to be here.

00:41
Um, a little bit about me, I have been coaching people in the space of life transformation since 2010. So I've been coaching for quite a long time and I got my start coaching for a national nonprofit organization where I actually worked with girls 12 to 17 in leadership development and life transformation, as well as coaching and supporting their parents on how do you support a young teenage girls journey into being a really powerful leader and a force to be reckoned with in the world.

01:15
So I have a very special place in my heart for young teenage girls. And, um, from there in 2013, I started working with a international consulting company. And so in that space, I did a lot of work working with executive leaders, big corporate organizations, running brand strategy, building corporate cultures, executive leadership development, sales training, and really the industries I specialized in were hospitality,

01:46
healthcare, real estate technology. I worked with over a hundred different clients in that space. So I was there for quite a long time and that's really where I honed a lot of my skills in the space of operations leadership.

02:00
development and what it takes to really create a powerhouse of an organization. And in 2019, I decided to really step into what sets my soul on fire. And that's really about connecting with people and bringing in the space of energy and embodiment.

02:19
So in 2019, I started my first business called Soul Saturations, where I really focused on women, men, couples in the space of connecting with purpose and pleasure and possibilities. And so I ran coaching programs, couples work.

02:40
I had a podcast for a couple of years. And really that is at the deepest core, like my life's work is to really connect and bring people a deeper connection into purpose and pleasure. And then... to speed up the story with the state of the world in 2020, I felt the call to go back into the corporate space.

03:04
And so I started my second business honoring the power of presence and I really brought in the space of embodiment and energy into the corporate world. So I helped leaders and organizations embody a powerful energetic presence.

03:17
So from speaking in international events to creating corporate cultures across lots of different organizations, that was a space that I was really focused on for the last few years. And really my opportunity with Max came earlier this year, 2024, and it just felt like the next right step.

03:39
I've always been somebody who deeply trusts my own inner knowing and the path that unfolds. And so when Max said, hey, I want help growing this organization, growing this company on a global scale, it was an immediate absolute yes, I didn't even know what it was going to evolve into.

03:57
And I was just like, yep, let's go. And we dove into it and started it. And as of May of 2024, I was like, I am moving to New Orleans. So I came from Phoenix, Arizona, I traded dry heat for wet heat.

04:12
And so now I'm living in the swamps and loving it more than anything. Wow. How did you and Max actually cross paths to where you found each other? Yeah, so Max and I crossed paths in 2021, 2022. We studied with the same teacher.

04:27
And so we just really connected and helping each other grow and refine our transmission and deepen our capacity to lead people through really powerful transformations. And Max and I like we had this beautiful New Orleans connection.

04:42
Because in 2016, I repositioned a hotel here. So I had spent quite a bit of time in New Orleans. And I was like, Oh, I love that you live in New Orleans. It's one of my favorite cities. And then I instantly became Instagram best friends with his wife, Kelly is like one.

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of my favorite humans ever. And like Bax and I didn't even really talk that much for a couple of years, but I messaged Kelly all the time. So she and I just had a really beautiful heart centered connection.

05:07
And so yeah, it just kind of evolved into, Hey, I need somebody who knows how to grow a company. Given my background, plus my world of coaching, it just was a natural fit for us both. Yeah, you seem like quite the asset.

05:23
Thank you. So you were working with girls, then you went into corporate stuff, and then couples coaching, and then back to the corporate stuff. How originally like where the passion for just coaching in general?

05:40
I mean, it seems like you've been around the coaching space for a while. Yeah. When I was in college, I met the right people. I was always about networking and connecting. And I had a mentor who really taught me the power of coaching and the power of having somebody in your corner to help you grow and evolve.

06:01
And I was one of the youngest coaches that ever certified through the organization. And so I just started coaching at a relatively young age. I've always been a people person. I've always been a connector.

06:11
I've always been somebody who wants to listen and ask questions. And it just was a natural evolution for me. So yeah, I've, I've always loved it. Nice. Wow. To get to be in that environment at such a young age for so many years, it's a nice platform for your life, huh?

06:28
It really is. I mean, it's where I really started with the foundations of creating an intentional life. Everything I do, I lean back to the intentionality framework and just being really thoughtful about how we show up and how we connect through some of my big life experiences.

06:47
I learned at a very, very young age that there are impact to the choices that we make. And so being able to really like feel that in my body at such a young age, it has shaped the way that I've lived since then.

07:04
Yeah. You said you believe in the intentionality of life and love. What is intentionality? What is the opposite of intentionality? Where do people get stuck with this? That's a loaded question. One of the things I have refined over the years of coaching and working with people is what I like to call the intentionality framework.

07:29
And so I believe that there are three key pieces that we need to focus on to live a powerful life. And the first piece of the intentionality framework is to connect with your purpose. So why do things exist?

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Why do we make the decisions that we do? How does it serve our greater purpose and vision in life for what we're creating? And when we can have a really clear purpose, it helps bring. clarity to everything else.

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And the next piece of the intentionality framework is having a clear intention. And the clarity of our intention determines the quality of our energy. So the more clear we are with how we want to show up, how we want to interact, what intentions we want to set, the more clarity we have.

08:13
And that can be everything from little minutia of sending a text message or an email to huge life decisions. And then having that clarity and purpose and intention allows us to really create the impact being the third piece of the intentionality framework that we want.

08:30
So purpose, intention, and impact is really the why, the how, the what of how we live life. And so when I'm coaching people, I will always bring people back to, okay, what's the intentionality behind it?

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What is the bigger vision that you're having that you're bringing into the world and using that framework to help people define every choice from who they wanna be in partnership and relationship with to how they need to send out an email to how they need to roll something out with their team.

09:00
It always comes back to that. Yeah, when you're trying to find the intrinsic motivation, you find the deeper purpose. What is the purpose of doing this? How does this align with what you're doing? Yeah, you know, I like to think about like my life purpose is to activate the light within people.

09:16
So if I know that is my greater purpose in life, that's why I'm here, that's why I exist. Every moment is an opportunity for me to interact with that. So I could even bring that down to, okay, what are my intentions for walking into the grocery store?

09:31
I often go to the Whole Foods and there's a security guard who's really like solid and quiet and he doesn't smile and he doesn't really nod. And I've just been like, okay, my goal in life is to blast this man open with so much love.

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And it took me about three weeks. And now whenever he sees me, he lights up and he smiles and says hello. And so it's like, we get to ripple out these beautiful impacts in the world in micro moments.

09:57
So every micro moment builds into a bigger moment that we get to experience in life. That sounds like such a fun game. Oh, it's so fun. I see that all the time. And I mean, can you kind of give me a breakdown of like how you approach that?

10:11
Cause like day one was this, all right, that didn't work. Day two is this, cause this is like a great short story. Yeah, I mean, it was just consistency. Like I would, I mean, I go to Whole Foods probably three to five times a week to pick up lunch or groceries or whatever.

10:25
And so it was just every time I saw him, I was like, hi, good morning, good afternoon. Hey, how are you? Like, oh, it's a beautiful day. All of the little things. And it's just the energy that I bring is so intentional.

10:37
And it's like, I'm going to get this man to smile. And I did. I think, you know, one thing that kind of holds people back or prevents people from living the life they really want to live is they. They give a fuck about what other people think, and they don't give a fuck about enough about what sets their soul on fire.

11:01
You know, why do you think that isn't, how do people break out of that? That's a great question. I think the main reason of why that is, is because that's conditioning, that society, that's obviously how many people were raised.

11:15
So looking at how their parents lived, the people that they've surrounded themselves with, tend to live a life that is good enough. It's like, oh, okay, like this is good enough, I'm hitting a certain level of success, like that must be good enough.

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Or especially when it comes to relationships, people are like, oh, okay, like this relationship is good enough, but there's so much more that is out there. So I think a lot of it is what people don't know, they don't know.

11:43
And the biggest way to shift is when people start to hear that whisper, that inkling, that like. what else is out there is to really find support in people and communities and spaces that give you permission to be a full -bodied fuck yes to everything that exists in life.

12:04
And that's a big purpose that Max and I share is how do we create spaces where people get to be surrounded by other people who are choosing to live the highest possibility of life? Yeah so there's there's much more out there people don't know how awesome it could be.

12:25
You've had some experience working in like these situations with Max in his circles where there's lots of permission given and people want to go deep and it can be really interesting really fun probably really intense at times.

12:39
That is not the same as working in a corporate environment where there is a company culture and there's a company standard and there is professionalism and there is regulations and I'm sure you're very familiar.

12:52
Oh yes it might be the reason you're not still doing that is what I'm guessing but I don't know. Considering those situations and those situations have you noticed maybe so in the corporate realm of things like are there tools are there strategies that are almost safe or almost catch all everywhere was there anything that you actually learned in the corporate space dealing with that that you can bring over to this more open environment anything come up as far as what always works what's always consistent?

13:27
You know I think the most important thing it comes back to body and breath and nervous system regulation and so as we're leading corporate organizations as we're leading teams of people we want to demonstrate the fact that we are trustable that we can be somebody that is somebody that we can rely on.

13:51
And so when we have a regulated nervous system, when we have grounding, when we have breath, when we have a wide open heart, when we're aware of the impact of our energy, we occur as more trustable. And so we have then that translates into our capacity to listen, to really hear people and be able to give powerful communication.

14:15
So mirroring, validating, empathizing what people have to say and pushing people to their edge, especially in the corporate space, it's as a leader, you're helping to direct an organization or a team into its highest capacity.

14:31
And so sometimes that can be really confronting and it depends on the way that that information is communicated to get people on board, to get them to be a yes to that. And so those skills absolutely translate into the world of relationships.

14:45
And that's a space that I bring in a lot in whether I'm leading individuals in leadership or with corporations or in relationship work is all of these things translate. So the skills that the world are asking for us in our romantic relationships and our family relationships are often the things that the world is calling for us more of as a corporate leader, as somebody who is really looking to grow and expand their career in life.

15:14
So a lot of the things translate. So it could be something where you may be experiencing a relational moment where you're looking for more empathy and connection from your romantic partner or you're feeling like you're not building that type of deeper relational connection, likely your team is asking for the same thing.

15:36
So when you can bring those skills forward in your relationship, you're going to experience the same amount of success with your team and leadership. And the energy that you're bringing in, it can be very subtle.

15:48
And some people have the awareness about it. What might be some questions you ask people to even just get an estimate for where they are with their own awareness or their levels to it. Absolutely. I always say self -awareness is a gift.

16:04
And so the more that we can anchor in bringing more self -awareness to a moment in order to take radical responsibility for how we show up and how we impact others in the space, it really starts with, again, bringing that awareness back to the body.

16:20
I think the body is the number one access point. So helping people bring awareness to what are the sensations that are present in your body right now. So tell me about your heart rate, how fast is your heart moving right now?

16:33
Tell me about your breath, whereas your breath is your breath in the top of your chest. Are you breathing all the way down into your belly? If you think about where you're noticing, energy or sensations in your body?

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Do you feel tingling in your mind? Can you notice that your thoughts are running or do you actually feel the connection of your feet on the earth or your ass on the chair of the seat that you're sitting in?

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Do you feel a width in your back body? So helping people really find those sensations in their body starts to bring self -awareness of, oh my gosh, I'm totally in my head or I'm not breathing or my heart's racing.

17:07
And so that's a beautiful access point for people to start to cultivate more self -awareness and it's like, okay, well, what if you could shift something 3%, 5%, 10 %? Can you take a deeper breath? Can you focus on grounding your energy into the lower part of your body?

17:23
Can you find pleasure in your spine or by rolling your shoulders back? So there's lots of different ways to start to bring that awareness and that helps slow the nervous system down. That helps slow the thought processes down so that then...

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they can move from a more grounded place and more of that beautiful intentionality that I love so much. So the awareness actually slows them down. Is there is there a difference between based off your experience?

17:52
Is there a difference between how stress and anxiety or any kind of tension can manifest in a man versus a woman? Are there some generalities with how that happens? Yeah, I think the generality that translates across the board for both men and women is there's often a tightening and attention that happens.

18:13
So for both men and women, I would say you can notice a tightening of the jaw tightening of the shoulders, shallowness in your breath, construction in your heart. It can even be like squeezing of the palms of your hands are very, very common things.

18:33
And one of the things that's really interesting is, of course, men are very analytical beings, they think a lot, it's constantly like, okay, what am I going to do next? What's the solution? How do I move forward?

18:45
So men will tend to get stuck in their head where they will stop breathing. Women do that in a different way where their mind runs in kind of a more of a circular motion where it's like over analyzing kind of jumping from place to place.

18:58
And so the biggest difference that I see is women disconnect from their pleasure bodies, which I think is the key to living a full life living a life that is absolutely like the greatest capacity that we get to experience.

19:15
And it helps us give love in that way as well. And so for women, we stop feeling pleasure in our bodies. So we get tight in a different way where we, again, pop up to the top of our chest, we get really shallow in our breath, our heart constricts, where men is almost like a full body tension and tightness.

19:36
So both for men and women, breath and pleasure is key to helping shift out of stress. It almost seems like men have this more simple physical tension, whereas women have more of an emotional tension flowing in them.

19:53
Yeah, and I think it's again, it's what we don't know, we don't know. And I would say that for a lot of women, they don't necessarily know how impacted their energy and expression is through their pleasure bodies.

20:07
So they tend to be more disconnected with pleasure because we have been trained to show up and run companies and manage households and show up in the world with very similar traits, qualities and characteristics as men are expected to perform with.

20:25
And so in order to bring us back to our bodies, to bring us back to pleasure, it's some of those practices that we're not familiar with. And Sure, we have this emotional sensitivity that women have been cultivating for much longer than men have.

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And it's about then how do we work with those energies? How do we be really responsible for the emotions that we're experiencing? So for women and men, but women is what I'm speaking to in the moment is it's so important for us to fully touch the deep expression that we have, whether that is rage, whether that is grief, whether that is joy and ecstasy.

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And to be able to move that through our bodies in the fullest expression of it helps us then be responsible so that in difficult moments, we can bring emotions in a way that is digestible to a partner or somebody that we're working with.

21:24
Because oftentimes you'll see, you'll hear like women are so emotional and everything overflows and it's hard to be with and be with the storm. Where actually I think it's our responsibility to really be able to touch and manage our own emotions so that the expression we have has the desired impact that we want.

21:45
Being able to know like this is an appropriate time or this isn't an appropriate time. This is how much this person can hold from me versus if I give them a level 10 expression right now, I'm gonna completely blow out his nervous system.

21:59
So it really comes down to again, the intentionality of how do we show up? How do we lead in a really powerful way? Where I think for men, there's the opportunity too that oftentimes it's like, okay, I can think about my emotions that I'm having or I can think about this experience that I'm having, but there's not often the permission for men to fully express.

22:19
That's why I think it's incredibly powerful for men to work with men, doing important men's immersions or being in a men's group, men's circle community so that they are surrounded by other men that are giving that radical permission to fully express.

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and learn how emotions live in their body beyond the density of their nervous system. So men are obviously a denser nervous system than we as women. So it's just about being able to find those different access points.

22:50
And as a busy, let's say a busy mother or someone who is kind of in this corporate setting or in this work setting and then at home and communicating emotionally and feeling under their body at home, how do they switch hats?

23:07
How do they switch boxes? Because to me, it seems like working moms are about have the most challenging stint of life there. What different advice, any specific stuff that they can do or use or any tools they can take?

23:22
Great question. Yeah, I think, first of all, big shout out to my mom who was a single mom working mom, like very, very incredible, incredible woman. And one of the things that she always did was cooking.

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That was her thing that would shift her out of work brain and into her joy and her pleasure. But one of the things that I think is really important for whether or not you're a mother, whether or not you're running a company is to have micro practices.

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What are these things that you can do in 10 seconds, 30 seconds, two minutes, five minutes? What are the things that can actually bring you back to your purpose, bring you back to your breath, bring you back to that intentionality?

24:11
So for me, it could be something as simple as, okay, I've been on back to back calls. I need to go step outside and feel the sun and feel my feet on the earth. And I have a beautiful garden in my backyard.

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So I go, I look at the flowers. It can be one minute, two minutes of just walking outside, taking a deep breath. And it helps bring me back to my body, bring me back to pleasure. When we have our children, I mean, there's so many things that are happening where it's like, you go right from work, you pick up your kids and then go home and you've got homework and cooking dinner and all of those things.

24:44
And it's, okay, how can you find those moments that you are appreciating the moment that you're in? So taking the moment to look at the joy on your children's face or feel their storm of, I don't want to do my homework.

24:56
Great, like look at it as part of the storm that is representing the beautiful universe and the world and the energy that we live in. Or it's put on some music and have a dance party with your kids where it's like, okay, we're gonna shake off the day.

25:10
Like let's shake it off. Bringing your kids into those practices, into those experiences of just a micro moment here or there can really shift the energy. But it takes that commitment to say, I am committed to my energy and how I'm going to show it.

25:27
weapon, how I'm going to live and lead in the world. And I'm committed to being an example for my children. Because what often happens is that when we're not intentional, and that was one of the questions you asked me about when we're not conscious when we're not intentional, we don't actually understand the impact that we're having on our children or on the people that are around us.

25:48
And so for me, I, I have a daughter who's 19 years old, almost 19 in two days. But that's one of the things that I'm greatly committed to is like, how do I show up as a woman that she can look up to that says, wow, Kendall's got her shit together, she lives and leads with love and intentionality, like, that's what I want to do.

26:10
So from the time she was really young, we would sit there and we would breathe together and we would do meditation practices. And we've talked about pleasure in our body where it's like, oh, okay, we're hanging out in the pool on the weekend, feeling the sunshine on our face and feel how good the water feels when you move your fingers through the water.

26:25
It's just about bringing that awareness and intentionality from a place of commitment of why is this important? Well, it's important because I'm changing the future generations of what's happening. Well, that's cool that you have so much experience working with young girls, and then you have one, so you can be like, look at it.

26:46
Working in the different types of circles that y 'all have, y 'all have circles that are men and women, y 'all have some circles that are just men. Do you have any that are just women? We will be opening in just women -only space.

26:58
We wanted to launch our men's space and our co -ed space first just to get some solid processes in place. And so, yeah, so women's -only space will be coming. But I think there's benefits for all. One of the things that has been so beautiful about our co -ed community space is being able to hear both people's perspective, where we'll have men sharing what their experience is in dating and relationships and women sharing their perspectives.

27:27
And they're really saying the same thing, but being able to have radical compassion for each other of like, oh, this is my experience, and this is also my experience. And so there's just this beautiful support around, I'm not alone, like I'm surrounded by people who are absolutely committed to living life and creating love in a really beautiful, deep way.

27:49
And so it's been this really gorgeous evolution with our community space. And then the men have their own space where they connect in certain ways. And when we open the women's space, my experience of running women's -only spaces is like, there's just so much yummy depth and joy and pleasure and compassion that comes.

28:10
comes from being surrounded by people who are committed to the same thing. Are there any consistencies that come up in the co -ed circle where it's like, the guys are always saying this, the women are always saying this, and it's like, guys, we see this.

28:23
We've seen this before. Like, is there an example of something that comes up like that? Yeah. I mean, I think both people are saying, for both men and women, they'll say, oh, I'm this like super deep man.

28:36
I'm coming up into these relationships. I've done so much development work on myself and my career and my life. And then when a moment gets hard, the women don't want to show up. And then the women are saying, I'm looking for a conscious man.

28:49
I've done all this work and I want all these, I want depth and I want communication and I want intentionality, and then they don't show up and meet me in the same space. So both people are coming from this place of, I'm not finding the other person, meet me.

29:02
And so what I always direct people back to is, well, that's often directly related to the viewpoint that you have of the world. So if you're holding this perspective, no woman can meet me in the depth that I'm bringing.

29:16
Or if you're holding the perspective, no man can meet you as a conscious relationship. That's what you're going to see. That's what you're going to find. And so how we shift the way that we interact and the way that we show up comes back to those perspectives and the choice that we make to live.

29:34
And so one of the practices I give women is look at every man that you meet as a king. See him for his depth. See him for his intentionality. Look at him even if it's the man that you're purchasing your coffee from in the morning and come from the place of your queen of like, thank you, please send more.

29:57
And you'll be surprised how often people show up differently because you're seeing them as a different space. And so being radically committed to that practice. And then the vice versa for men would be look at every woman as the queen that you're calling in as that deep, loving devotional life partner that you want to see.

30:21
How can you see that devotion in her? What are the things that she's doing that feel so devoted where it could be as simple as like, wow, it's the way that she giggles and laughs and has a good time.

30:33
Or it's just in her natural radiance of how she walks down the street. We get to start appreciating these small micro moments and that shifts our entire reality. Now, of course, again, relational dynamics is so much of what we don't know, we don't know.

30:50
So it's in how we communicate and how we move and how we express where we can see the converse of the other. And I always love to challenge people when they're like, Oh, I can't find somebody who wants to meet me is have you tried seeing them as the person who can meet you?

31:08
Hmm, that's really interesting. It reminds me of that car analogy, like when you drove to work today, how many red cars did you see? Oh, I don't know. Well, driving home, how many are you gonna see? And you start to recognize things because you were looking for them and you can count to a higher number.

31:23
So perhaps people would be able to recognize the opportunities in front of them if they were looking for them in a different way. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think it's such a gift because I have such an awareness.

31:37
And moving to a new city, trying to make new friends, doing all those things, really reestablishing my connections here in New Orleans is like, oh my God, there's so many amazing people in this city.

31:49
There's so many people who are full of life and love and depth and intention. And it's because I choose to see that. And so that's where I get to really anchor into the communities that I'm creating here.

32:03
And it feels so good. Working in the communities, I want to say new ones, but really overall, if a newcomer comes in and has never had a coaching experience or they're just new to the whole vibe, what is something that they, a newcomer might find surprising about the whole experience?

32:27
That's a great question. Yeah. Max and I really work in a global space within our communities. We already have people from around the world, which is so cool. And I think that's one of the things that Max and I are really committed to is creating a space that anybody can join.

32:46
They don't have to have done years of self -development work or studied with a particular teacher for years on years on years to come in and find this connection. And so I think the thing that is most surprising to people is the way that Max and I speak to people.

33:02
We're incredibly powerful in our communication. We don't bullshit. We don't sugarcoat. We'll help people see things that maybe they don't want to look at. But the way that we do it is so wide with so much love that people feel really safe to explore.

33:20
And we like to say, we're not a safe space. We're here to radically push you up against your buttons. And we're here to call you on the things that nobody else has said before. And it's from the intention of helping you grow and explore.

33:37
And it's almost, so the example I give, the thing that that kind of comes comes through is like, you know, when you have met somebody who is like high level military, Navy SEALs, Army Ranger, SWAT, professional, it's like, they're so dangerous that they're safe.

33:55
Like, you know that this person could literally kill you, but you feel safe because they can protect you. I think that's a certain essence of energy that comes through. The way that Max speaks in the way that I connect is there is Like the full range of expression is welcome and being able to create a space where there is wild permission to bring exactly what you think exactly what you feel and Then dive in and explore from that to say how does this align to the life that you want to create and is this serving You or is this?

34:29
retracting from your potential growth Um, I think that's such a cool Frame and such a cool way to communicate expectations Like this is not a safe space and then you know Like you're gonna come here and you're gonna have some you're gonna feel like we're gonna challenge you It's you know, we're here to grow we're here to get better and you know, you decided to be or this is not safe This is not easy.

34:53
Um, I guess, you know, a lot of that stuff Can be personal to people but as far as um, you know Can you share any because things probably get a little wild or potentially heated or? Any interesting stories of things that have happened and then, you know, just anything?

35:09
Yeah, you know, I think the most wild thing is when people are saying, oh, like, you're thinking one thing and I'm thinking somewhere else. And it really comes down to people's projections. And so being able to have that radical question for people of, well, how, how are you responsible for creating this viewpoint?

35:30
What are you projecting onto others? What judgments are existing? And how is that a reflection on yourself? Where have you experienced certain similar situations in your life where you're having these particular experiences of feeling like people are out to get you?

35:48
Where else has that shown up? Well, what's the common denominator there? The common denominator is you and your perspective. So how do you choose a different experience? And so that can be really confronting for people.

35:59
But again, we do it with love. We do it with the wit. We do it with the intention of what if you could know that your life, the dream life that you have always wanted is literally one decision away, one shift away from creating this life that is expansive and heart opening and fills you up in ways that you never could have dreamed of imagining.

36:27
It's interesting you said that that one decision, that one shift, the last guy that was on the podcast, he was talking about he had been divorced and he's five, six years out of that. And he's in a really, really good spot right now.

36:40
He was doing a lot of great work. And he says, yeah, you know, after that decision, like if anyone's in that situation, like it's probable that you're going to find happiness if you just make a shift.

36:51
So maybe the worst decision is indecision and being still and being stagnant and accepting life as it is and not knowing that so much it could be just so much more. Oh, completely. I had an experience, I ended a five -year partnership a little over a year ago.

37:09
And it was because I had radical clarity on my needs, my expectations in partnership that I could see, okay, we've made efforts, we've tried, we came to a place where we had decided that our values were going in different places.

37:24
It didn't mean that he wasn't a wonderful man, that I had deep love for him, but I could see the highest possibility of the life I'm creating is in this direction. And he wanted to go the opposite direction.

37:36
So of course it was the hardest decision I've ever made and it created so much more spaciousness, so much more possibility because I knew what was true for me and I knew what I was committed to creating in my life moving forward.

37:52
And so to take that leap and say, okay, I'm going to go fully into the heartbreak, I'm be radically responsible for the way that I showed up in this partnership, going on a masculine cleanse, really taking that accountability for what are my patterns, what are my habits, to then recommit to, okay, here's what I actually want to create.

38:15
It was a huge process, but it's because I was rooted in that clarity of what I needed, that I was able to continue to take the next right step, make the next right decision, make the next right decision.

38:28
And sometimes that decision was, I needed to just lay on my floor and fucking cry. And that was the right next step. And then, okay, great. Now I've gone through the contraction and I can feel the expansion and I can step forward and continue to lead in a really beautiful way.

38:43
Well, it sounds like you did a lot of work there. Yes, it was. It was. So you're in New Orleans. I'm in New Orleans for now. I'll be moving soon. But what I want to ask is specifically in New Orleans.

39:04
So you've seen corporate cultures, you've seen other cities, and you've seen those relationships in New Orleans. What have you seen that maybe we do well, and then maybe we really don't do well, kind of comparatively to everybody else, relative to everybody else?

39:22
That's a tricky question. I think it's so individual. I think one of the things that I truly love about New Orleans is people have a certain commitment to joy and vitality and love. And I think that shared commitment to that creates a lot more spaciousness for people to try new things, experience new food, go to different places.

39:53
We have so many beautiful opportunities where it's like, okay, great, let's take the family to the park and go walk. around the trees or let's go listen to live music and eat amazing food and go to a crawfish boil.

40:07
Like there's so many things that are rooted around community and joy and love. And I think that's something that we do really well here, where I would say in other places, people tend to be a little bit more isolated and they don't have as big of a community where I think there's just so much opportunity for people to connect here.

40:28
The other thing I think that would maybe be a downfall is that people are so connected to what's next, what's the next event, what's the next festival thing that's happening in the city is that there's less connection to coming back home and being really comfortable with those micro moments that are here in everyday life.

40:54
Well, that almost answers my next question. So a lot of my guys are I teach a morning workout group of guys and we meet every morning we work out and we're busy dads, we don't have a lot of time. Yeah.

41:05
We're a busy dad that doesn't have a lot of time. But you know, is happily married wants to continue being happily married is really thing he can do with a small amount of time that might impact the quality of his relationship.

41:19
Desire your wife. Desire your wife. We want to feel the part of you that wants us. We want to feel the part of you that is turned on by our radiance. Craz is a really simple way to say, God, you're so beautiful.

41:38
I can't wait to put my hands on you later. Little micro moments of desire, craze, like creating that intentional polarity of it could be something as simple as holding eye contact with her for an extra three to five seconds and taking a deep breath and just saying, Oh, I love feeling you.

42:00
Like, guarantee, she's gonna love that. Yeah, that sounds like that would definitely work. It doesn't take long. It just takes intention. Yeah, there you go. It just takes intention. All right, starting to wrap it up here.

42:14
I shift in being, I don't know if you want to review the group how it's structured. Actually, I'm curious about the actual meetings. So like the group meetings, I know you'll do one on one coaching, Max has a big retreat coming up.

42:26
Yeah. Is there an actual structure to the group meetings? Or like, how does it flow? How does it start? And y 'all just go with what's happening? Are there bookends on it? Yeah, that's a great question.

42:40
So for community calls, we do have a structure that we hold to where we always like to drop in with some sort of nervous system regulation practice, being able to help bring people back into their bodies.

42:54
then there's often a teaching component, something that we're feeling from the field, from what's been happening within the community space that we'll teach and speak to. So, our last community call, we talked a lot about liberation and what does it mean to live a life of liberation.

43:09
And then we go in and we open the floor up to questions or people sharing like, this is what I want to get out of this community space, or this is something that I'm bumping up against, or I have this past experience and I don't want it to keep showing up in my future relationships.

43:24
And so it really is community driven. And depending upon what's coming up in the field, what's coming up in the calls, we may drop into another practice. It may be like a one on one mini coaching session where it's like, okay, this person go into a practice, go into an expression.

43:40
And so it's really tailored to... what is going to have the most impact on our community space. And so with that, it's constantly evolving. Max and I are constantly adding new things where within the community space we're adding particular small group calls, or maybe we jump on and teach extra practices within the community.

44:02
There's beautiful online courses that are practices and things that you can get access to that are online courses on embodied meditation, finding pleasure and spaciousness, working with fear and anxiety.

44:15
There's so many resources within this community space on top of Max and I being very active in the chat threads, being able to where people can pop in and ask a question or say I'm having this thing.

44:28
So Max and I will jump in and be able to serve people from that space as well. Yeah, it's a beautiful space and we're so excited to watch it continue to evolve and grow. I've been meaning to make my way in there one of these days.

44:44
Off the top, do you have the schedule of the live meetings? There's a Zoom meeting. I don't have it right in front of me, but typically we are doing about the first Thursday of the month and we're doing 11 a .m.

45:02
central time. So we are seeing that that's not always the most conducive time. So we're going to add in likely a Sunday call a month. So first Thursday of the month is the coed community space. Third Thursday is the men's space only.

45:20
And again, that's 11 a .m. CST, but we will be adding additional calls just so that we can serve multiple time zones, multiple work capacities, and then it'll continue to evolve from there. Is there anything live in person?

45:35
So live in person, we are doing an incredible men's immersion. So for real men who want to show up and create real impact in their lives and in their relationships. Our live men's immersion is gonna be in Sebastian, Florida.

45:50
It's November 21st through the 24th. So we really set it up for coming in on a Thursday, leaving on a Sunday so that if you have families, if you have a job, it makes it much more easy and accessible to be able to drop in, do some deep work and experience really powerful impact.

46:11
It's only open to 25 men. We're already selling out slots and we haven't even fully released it yet to the public. So if that's something that you're interested in, absolutely connect with Max and I.

46:22
We want to make sure that we serve the best men and it's, oh God, the location is gonna be stunning. It's tucked between the swamps and the Atlantic Ocean. It's gonna be fully immersive in nature, but beautiful, beautiful, healthy food, three gorgeous, gorgeous organic meals.

46:42
feeding the whole from protein to vegan, whatever your preference is. I'm a protein girl, so give me all the meat, but we are just really excited to create this incredible space for men to go deep. Awesome.

46:57
All right, I think you give us a lot of juicy wisdom. We appreciate your time so much, Kendall. Thanks for being on the While You Walk podcast. Do you have any final words of wisdom for our busy dads and busy moms?

47:12
Final words of wisdom is just make a choice to commit to the life that you want to live and take the actions that align to that. It's only up to you. Thanks a lot, Kendall. It was an honor to have you here.

47:27
My pleasure.